Bend
by Nyightshade
Summary: What if Bloodbending affected Katara more than she let on. A darker look at the possibilities of what an alternate ending to "The Southern Raiders" could have led to. Katara/Zuko.
1. Chapter 1

Bend

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to its respective owners.

She swore to herself that she would never use it again.

She cried herself to sleep night after night after being forced into learning the dark art.

She cringed inwardly when she used it against the fire soldier.

She marveled over the tingling in her fingers after she used it in anger.

She craved the feeling of complete control it brought her.

Katara of the southern water tribe stared into her reflection in the shallow river as Zuko wandered about reading Appa for the journey ahead. Her thoughts swirled about her cluttered and busy mind like the ripples in the choppy water. He had tried to assure her that there wasn't any blood on her smooth hands but Katara knew better. She could see the crimson liquid staining her skin, marking her forever. Just like with pure water she could feel the blood move about each individual finger, following every command given.

It disgusted her that she had used it. She felt unclean and unholy and unfit to help aid the Avatar. She felt strong and overpowering and she wanted more. She wanted to feel it again. The rush was intoxicating, it was a sound she could see, a smell she could touch, a taste she could feel rattle about her bones as it hooked her in and demanded more. She wanted more; she wanted to fall into the reckless abandon that it opened for her.

Katara wanted to Bloodbend.

-xxxxx-

She plastered a smile upon her weary face when she saw the airbender running to great her. Bending her own blood she forced her body to stop the constant shaking from fear she reached out to hug her brother. Her thoughts had spun in circles the whole way home and she still had no idea what to make of the numerous questions that worried at her fragile mind. Would Zuko tell the innocent airbender of what happened? Would Sokka forgive her for exacting vengeance or would her brother understand? Would the slip of an earthbender Toph comment on the quaking that racked her body? Would they know how sullied her hands had truly become?

Zuko had lied for her, told them she let him live. She had not. She had reached out with her bending, taken control of the man's blood and forced it to freeze and caused his neck to snap from the movements of the crimson ice in his veins. She had smiled too. It was a twisting grin that she had never before felt upon her face and she had instantly felt alien with it stretched across her skull. They had burned his body and left the ashes to float down the river. She allowed no pomp, no circumstance for the man who had murdered her mother. Katara knew that now she was a different person, the constant ache inside her fingers told her so. They yearned to feel the power again and her soul willed to comply.

She put on a brave face and followed the story he made for her. They did not need to know the truth for now, they didn't want to know it, and she didn't want them to. "Let's make camp and rest, it's been a long day", the banished prince supplied and she was all too willing to accept. They quickly did so sharing small stories and silly chatter as if nothing had happened, as if she wasn't a murderer. She wasn't though; she had to remind herself, not to them. The charade was already becoming tedious to keep up and she quickly excused herself to go bathe.

Finding the nearest body of water she began to twist her form about letting the liquid flow and obey. Complex patterns led to more and more intricate displays yet nothing could assuage her lust for the simple movements of reaching out and grabbing the lifeblood of an unsuspecting victim. Her arms froze midair as the water she was controlling splashed down to the ground. She stood unblinking and paralyzed in fear, what was she thinking? She couldn't allow such thoughts to grace her mind, they were leading her into the dark and she needed to help the light that was Aang. She would simply have to let her body wish and want but her fingers would never be allowed to Bloodbend again.

Her feet moved on their own as she walked closer to the calm pond. Wading up to her waist she began to scrub her hands once again. She swore she could feel the blood lingering on her. She wanted to peel all of her skin off to make the feeling go away, it itched at her arms and felt waxy on her bones and she just couldn't make it go away.

Nothing could make it go away. She used her bending to make a spinning sphere of water and increased the speed to a lethal quickness. Twitching control over to one hand she steadied a deep breath and trust one dirtied hand into the violently shifting waters. She wanted to scream; instead she bit her lips until they bled as the vicious water grated at her hand and flaked skin off. Once she felt it was clean enough she stopped the sphere. She watched as blood coagulated around the remaining skin which had been rubbed raw. Katara gently created another sphere, this one filled with calming and healing water as she worked on repairing the damage done.

She sighed with glee. One hand finally felt clean again. It would never make her now dark soul shine but she felt lighter knowing that she couldn't feel the microbes of blood anymore. She repeated the process with her other hand. It felt wonderful and although she felt somewhat pure and clean she also felt that the pain caused had been necessary. A small payment of the ill deed she had caused if you will.

Katara looked into the water pensively. She could still feel the need crawling through her blood. It was like a horrible addiction that had quickly grasped at her and wouldn't let her go. It was a few moments before she realized she had walked out into the lake with all of her clothing on and the dark suit she had still been wearing was soaked through. She grimaced at the sleeves knowing that they would never be repaired again; the quickly moving water had done too much damage. A heavy sigh filled the air once again, she suppose, she should go back eventually, Aang would begin to worry. As she reached the shore she pulled all of the water out of her clothing and off of her body making it seem as if nothing had transpired at all.


	2. Chapter 2

Bend

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its respective owners.

A/N: Please keep in mind that this is being written from the perspective of Katara, who is falling deeper and deeper into addiction, so if some things seem to be repeating themselves often or things seem disjointed don't worry. It's supposed to be that way.

-xxxxx-

She could feel every single heartbeat in the theater. It was an all encompassing sense that she simply could no longer turn off. The blood that steadily pumped through every warm body sang taunting lullabies to her and yet she resisted. She forced her jittery limbs to stop their shaking as she attempted to focus on the poor acting in front of her while Aang continued to whine about his characters actor, or actress if you will.

Katara had to hold back a grimace when the woman portraying her appeared and started spouting off about hope. She wished she could be like that now; instead she had lowered herself to a level no better than the very soldiers she continued to fight. As the play continued she became more restless and had to resort to taking short breaks from the quickening pulses of the fire nation citizens. Zuko eyed her warily every time she excused herself and yet had said nothing, for that she was grateful. It had been days since the incident and he had simply let her be, unlike Aang who seemed fit to remind her on a day to day basis that forgiveness was the correct answer.

A month ago she would have agreed.

Now things were different, she had first hand extinguished the flame that was a human's life force. She had allowed herself to fall into the valley of hatred and pain and knew that she could no longer climb back out. It seemed that every time she attempted to wipe the bitter night from her memory the walls of her own personal hell just slipped down dragging her with them. It was like she was attempting to crawl out of a sandy pit and the tide was coming in. Soon it would destroy her.

The guilt, the pain, the want, and the need would all just collapse on top of her and she would simply no longer exist. Part of her welcomed it, wished so vainly to embrace it. The knowledge of her power over the human form and her body's physical addiction to it was becomingly increasingly painful and she was floundering with how to take care of it.

To be fair, she reasoned with herself, being surrounded by so much blood would make it difficult. She silently wondered how much longer she would have to watch the stupid musical and was so lost in thought that she only stared blankly ahead at the comment of her loving Zuko and running away with him. Strangely enough the fire bender hadn't done much more than lift a questioning eyebrow so her reaction hadn't seemed too underrated.

-xxxxx-

Katara calmly smiled in glee as she breathed in the fresh outdoor air. The play had finally reached its intermission and she couldn't be happier. "Is it true what you said in there?" she felt her head snap to the side as she looked to the owner of the voice. She quickly racked her brains to recall saying anything at all.

"In where? What are you talking about Aang?" honestly she couldn't remember talking at all, it was a play, people normally stay silent. Well people other than the airbender.

"On stage. When you said I was just like a brother to you and you didn't have feelings for me." She refused to crack a smile, Aang was so tenderhearted taking lines from a play seriously.

"I didn't say that. An actor said that." Katara felt her heart sinking even as she said the words, she could feel the conversation heading towards a dangerous place.

"But it's true isn't it. We kissed at the invasion, and I thought that we were going to be together but were not" Katara felt her heart stop at his words. She had once wanted so badly to be with the young monk. He was light and happiness all rolled up into one pint sized airbender. Now she didn't know.

"Aang I'm just confused right now" it was true. She was too conflicted with her consistent inner battles to stay sane. She was too dark and sullied for the unfathomable brightness that was Aang's soul and she simply refused to let herself be the cause of it dimming. She felt his lips pressed against hers before she even felt the air displacement.

She ripped herself from his lips before stalking off. "I said I was confused." Her limbs started shaking again, what if he could tell what she had done. It was possibly the first time she had let the young airbender touch her since her incident and she couldn't control the irrational fear that he could feel the sin on her. Katara didn't know how they couldn't tell, she could honestly feel it slipping down her arms every moment of the day, she felt it cover her body like a tar that was unwilling to let go. Katara shook herself from herself destructive thoughts and forced her feet to walk her back to the horrible stage production.

-xxxxx-

After another torturous hour she could finally allow her stiff muscles to relax. Being around the gang had become such a natural state that her blood didn't even quiver in the proximity of her team mates. She attempted to give Aang uplifting comments and advice but her mind was too preoccupied to be doing a good job of it and he simply brushed her fake cheerfulness off in favor of more brooding about the subpar play. Oh how she wanted to slap him, to knock some sense into his arrowed head. She was trying so damn hard to be the mother, a fourteen year old mother mind you, of a group of children tasked with saving the world. And all she received in return was an Avatar who simply refused her help, who was too stuck in his own little world to notice.

She wanted to give up and run away, but she wouldn't. Couldn't. That had simply been a luxury she had unwittingly given up the moment she and her brother watched the airbender break through the ice globe and reemerge into a very changed world.


End file.
